Monday, December 22, 2008


silence, is
why, is

Thursday, December 18, 2008


this cannot be,
what it is,
what has come to be,

disparate words,
bound together,
deserving an end,
begging another,


there cannot always be an end,
a punchline,
sometimes, (sometimes)
things are,
what they are,

much like the blues,
and possible sunshine,
only allowing,
a myopic view,
of where happiness lies,

in acceptance,
of the blues,
the grays,
and possible reality, (I surrender)

Saturday, December 13, 2008


i have a love.

at once magical, and
for life,
and the(n),
not so much,
the everyday,
and the(n),

where will it end ?

the end, however
will be the beginning,
be it now, or
no ever,
now and ever,

Thursday, December 11, 2008


over and over again,
I repeat,
the same,
over and over again,
I hope,
the same,

does it mean more,
when said often,
does it mean more,
when said less?

does it bore?
over and over again?
does it matter?
over and over again?

do we listen less?
to the oft repeated word?
do we listen more?
to those unsaid?


do they matter more?
or less?

more or less?

Tuesday, December 2, 2008


through your patchwork quilt,
i gaze,
on happiness,
laughter and smiles,
once lived,
already forgotten,
but for these brief squares,
all that is,
was, and all that
never will be,
of possibilities,
of realities, and
the possible realities,
and the impossibility,
of this,

Thursday, November 13, 2008


the deepest questions,
well forth in ambiguity,
swathed in doubt,
dripping in loathing,

self remains meaningless,
worth discarded,
esteem in misguided quests,
and off-handed brush-aways,

seeking my mirror,
guilt framed,
of deception,
and answers,

and maybe then,
the possibility, of a


Thursday, October 30, 2008


meaningless words, mimic
depthless thoughts, mirror
shallow living, desire
profound end,

tuneless, and
voiceless, and
forsaken, and

of a song bird,
without conjunctions.

Thursday, October 9, 2008


your eyes,
and yet,
i surrender,
a streak,
of need (perhaps),
even (with my),
lust (and my),
of this, and
of all,

of me.

Sunday, October 5, 2008


there may be,
after all of you,
has been erased,
from this mind,

the possibility of you,
across the street,
around the corner,
a decade,
from that image,

captured vividly,
astonished, agonized,
the possibility, of
this barren psyche,

the impossibility,
of like,
of love,

but maybe, not

Friday, October 3, 2008


this may be all there is,
this winding road has met its premature end,
in the sunset,
over a cliff,

having exhausted all that was,
of hope, of anger,
of laughter,
and those tears,

there is nothing left,
to do, but to give in,
a deep breath,
a long dive,

but there is no end to be found,
in denial,
in the allure of those relentless waves,
in the deep dive off the shallow edge,

and i am left here,
in my own company,
wrangling with this wretched living,
this existence,

yesterday, today and
maybe tomorrow.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008


that pilling sweater?
those brown cords?
that book?
those shoes?
that smile?
those eyes?
the scar that your laughter seared?
the walks on the moonlit beach?
the trek to the mountain top?
those lazy afternoons?
and the stormy nights?
that embrace?
the love?
and that lust?
the want?
and the need?

I have none of those, left
to remember you by.

this is all there is,
this empty place.

these meaningless words, and
the mangled silence.

Sunday, September 14, 2008


there is no respite here,
crouched in the shadow of your words,
afraid to read ahead,
fearing the future,
actions imitate words,
reality thoughts,

mind read,
and read again,
bent, and

thoughts captured,
in black and white banality,
some gray,
abundant red,

and i sit here,
with the faint ringing of the distant bell,
foretelling, foreboding,
preserving, persevering,
this reality,
this fantasy,

this fantastic reality.

Saturday, September 6, 2008


this view of the past,
the elegy of opposites,
has run its course,
there being nothing left,
to view,
mourn …

i remain now,
as a clean slate,
yearning to be filled,
with memories,
only to turn around,
a decade from this place,
awaiting more, awaiting anew,

there is no new tune to this sad lyric,
no reason for one,
until there is no me,
looking to the past,
to you,
living that memorable failure,
that failed reality,

that beginning to this end.

Thursday, September 4, 2008


remember ?
that last april day,
a decade ago,
the end of an era,
the beginning of another ?

remember ?
that awkward fumbling,
rustling paper,
heart laid out,
like revealed ?

remember ?
that possibility of love,
at twilight,
with angry mosquitoes, and
averted eyes ?

remember ?
the like-love spurned,
that almost may day, to
an august beginning,
that never was ?

i don't,
but for that crumpled memory,
carefully smoothed over,
to a glossy reality.


Friday, August 22, 2008


may I sing you a woe,
artfully crafted,
set to the perfect beat,
of a life that never should-can-will be ?

a song for mine,
a part of me,
that can never be,
but in imagination,
my man-mind-child ?

with words, that
are deeper than the slits,
on my wrists ?,
with words, that
sting deeper than the welts,
on my back ?

will you listen ?
you, that is a part of me ?
will you listen ?
you, that will never be ?
my man-mind-child ?

believe that I love ?
that which can never be ?
that which will never be ?
that which cannot be imagined ?
that which is forever feared-felt-missed ?

my man-mind-child ?

Monday, August 4, 2008


there's no saying,
how enchanted i was when,
i first heard you,
over the buzz, the cackle, and
the static.

the webs that,
your throaty laughter,
spun around my soul, with
those half said words,
those unfinished thoughts.

that i wished i could mimic,
i wish i could think,
i wish i could articulate.

all you are,
is but a distant dream,
a less than perfect memory,
a nightmare,
wrapped in years.

i wish that was all you were,
a memory,
a wish,
a nightmare,
but you are more.

you are that part of me,
which yearns for approval,
hope, love,
that part of me that betrays,
my vulnerability,
the need for love.

never more,
no more.

Monday, July 7, 2008


do you believe ?,
the smile on my lips,
the forrowed brows,
the tear rolling down my cheek,
and the lingering happiness,
as you hold me ?

do you remember ?,
my true love,
the righteous angst,
high hopes,
and vivid dreams,
as i am held ?

you must,

for the dead don't lie.

Saturday, June 14, 2008


i could write a poem,
an ode, a sonnet,
words artfully crafted,
capturing all that was,
that is, and
can be.

but all you need,
is look in my eyes, and
find the loathing,
the hatred, and
the pain,

as love.

Tuesday, June 10, 2008


there is this lie,
we pass around,
light as a feather,
heavy as unshed tears,
coarse as last evening,
smooth as a cat's eye,

this lie,
never uttered,
sweet as the first taste of blood,
bitter as tomorrow,
hot as a mid-summer night,
cold as truth,

i love you ...

Thursday, May 22, 2008


why am i what i am ?
why am i who i am ?

will i find myself ?
the answers ?

will there be light ?
an end to this tunnel ?

will there be hope ?
tomorrow ?

will i be ?
will i wonder ?

forever ?
always ?

does it matter ?

do i ?

Monday, April 28, 2008


will you remember ?,
to forget the days you remember ?
will you forget ?,
to remember the days you forget ?

I only have a few that,
I remember,
the ones I remember,
and forget that I do.

Sunday, April 13, 2008


let me share,
in this, here,
this back slapping,
this,'what could have been'.

It is,
'tis been,
this will always be,
water under the bridge.

could've been worse,
water over the bridge?,
it will,
'twill someday.

someday 'twill.

Thursday, March 27, 2008


...bow here,
bow here at this silence,
this darkness,
there is something to be learned,
something to be discovered.

this silence holds...
this darkness preserves, perseveres,
this darkness that,
holds me ...
against will.

I surrender,
to this,
the silent darkness ...
this dark silence ...
willingly unwilling.

Tuesday, March 25, 2008


darkness shrouds silence,
(in which I exist)
now exposed,
without words,
without vision,
I fumble,
to ecstasy ...

Thursday, March 13, 2008


between these lines,
there exists,
a silence,
not one without words, but
one without meaning,
without reason, and
between those,
this silence,
I exist ...

Tuesday, February 19, 2008


what flapping wings brought about this deluge ?
of fear and pain and myriad emotions,
of anguish and anger,
and these tear stained eyes ...
that look at me so forlorn so lost,
seeking comfort, seeking love ...
unware of the impotence that I am,
unable to give,
unable to care,
love lies far beyond these simple few,
unknown, unseen, unbeknownst ...
like more expressive, although spurned ...
like is no love, like can be no love,
I only venture ...
this, me, my impotence ...


Monday, February 18, 2008


silence as oppressive as the night black,
glowing as one tarnished,
black thoughts and blacker words cower in reality,

actions, however have surpassed superlatives,
how ever ?, one wonders ...

supine, pliant words of activity,
vent to inactivity,
in a darkened shroud of non-chalance,

meaningless verbs and abused adjectives,
seek patronage in unbeknown actions,

silence becomes me.

as the darkened night clouds the clandestine,
the lover and the loved,
I plead umbrage in non-words,

silence is a gesture,
the gesture of the forgotten, unwanted, unloved,

eloquence of the dead..



scorn lies not..
in the greed imbued forlorn look..
mallice takes a new place , a new meaning..
these are but emotions..
banal and deprecating..

i hear a knock..
at the door..
could it be the much awaited happiness ?
maybe not..

hope as greed remains..
an infestation..

the knock persists..
and against will, wishful thinking persists..

'tis indeed happiness at my door..
alas she has the wrong address..



peace defies verbal design,
death offers oblivion...

from sorry sights and looks askance,
the perfect question and the non-answer.

life goes on,
memories fade,

denial rules while the mind seeks harmony,
priorities juxtaposed in time.

the end awaits,
perhaps around the corner.


Monday, January 28, 2008


it's not just a sweet desire,
but an earnest longing ...

the end is nigh,
happiness willing ...

but the mind fails to decipher,
this, that and the other ...

happiness sails by,
a fleeting memory,

a kindling,
a possibility,

a possibile reality,
now a distant dream ...

just one,
one, none the less ...

Wednesday, January 9, 2008


swaying to the lyrics of my tears,
(the lie that awaits reason,)
'bout what was to be,
but not anymore,
I surrender.

'tis not a dream.